bela

maldito septiembre 

Siempre que me siento a escribir es porque tengo muchas ganas de decirle algo a alguien y no me animo a decírselo o porque estoy triste y que mejor que soltar las palabras en una hoja y dejar que la tristeza hable? Pero hoy, no se bien por qué estoy ak escribiendo en mi bloc de notas. Primero, reafirmo una vez más que todo pasa cuando menos lo esperas, aunque suene tan cliché. Septiembre venia bien, todo venia acomodándose poco a poco  después de tanta perdida y la tristeza dejaba de salir de mis poros. Pero hace tres días, toda esa estabilidad emocional que logré yendo a terapia y rodeada de amor, se fue a la mierda once again. Tuvieron que internar de urgencia a mi abuela y si bien el pronostico era bueno, había que volver a pisar el hospital. Después de cuatro días en la guardia, la operaron y le sacaron una obstrucción mas grande de lo que se esperaba del estomago. Salió todo bien, pero no pudieron despertarla de la anestesia y hello terapia intensiva. Hello tristezas ajenas. Hello ataque de llanto esperando el parte medico. Hello abuelo llorando. Hello silencio en casa. Hello angustia. Hello desesperación. Hello noches llorando. Hello miedo, que hace rato te había dicho adiós. Cuando llegas al hall de la terapia, la peor parte es ser testigo y registrar el dolor ajeno.  Ver a la gente llorar y que no se pueda hacer nada mas que observar para aliviar su dolor. Ver como el mundo se reduce a esa hora en la que podes visitar a tu ser querido. Ver cómo de repente, y por tercera vez en el año, la vida cambia y todo cambia. Que habrá sido de Pepe? Que estaba perdido en la guardia y mama lo ayudo. Por qué hay tantas injusticias en la vida? Por qué esta racha de mala suerte? Por qué tanto duelo? Por qué me angustio tanto al ver gente tirada en camillas? Porqué siento tanto todo? Por qué hay tanta gente sin amor? Gracias al universo o a Dios o ya no sé en quién creer a esta altura, la abuela hoy se despertó y no paró de hablar ni un segundo. Hay que volver a creer, pensar y decretar que lo bueno llega. Que habrá sido de Pepe? Que estaba perdido en la guardia y mama lo ayudo. Por qué hay tantas injusticias en la vida? Por qué esta racha de mala suerte? Por qué tanto duelo? Por qué me angustio tanto al ver gente tirada en camillas? Porqué siento tanto todo? Por qué hay tanta gente sin amor?  Siempre que tuve un problema, o quería simplemente compartir algo con alguien la primera persona que se enteraba era/es mi mejor amiga. Hace días que no hablamos y no se bien en que quedó todo, pero se siente raro no habérselo contado ni que este para mi. Pero la realidad es que no se si tiene mucho sentido contárselo. El tiempo dirá. Pero la extraño mucho mucho, y no vernos como antes ni compartir como antes, duele. Volvé Gochita y que con vos venga la amista` de la buena que tanto extraño. Noviembre, te ves prometedor y ojalá así lo seas.

B

***Compartí este artículo :)

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